My Anxiety Story

I wanted to start this blog to create a space where hopefully more people like me would be able to come together and share experiences, thoughts, and motivate each other to get through difficult times. Here's the thing, not many people talk about mental illnesses, not many want to admit they may have one or if they do know, they usually keep it to themselves and sadly, like me, feel alone in their situation. Although its not a happy topic, I wanted to share my experience, so here it goes...

It all started when I was born prematurely, and had to go through many procedures to save my life. After spending endless days in the hospital, I came out fragile and very anxious. I was always nervous as a baby and would cry and cry if someone just touched me because I would associate people touching my little feet with nurses and doctors injecting me or causing me pain trying to save me. After all of that I was always extremely attached to my mother. I would cry if she wasn't around (even if she was just taking a shower and left me in my crib for a few minutes). So that's how it all started, but then I grew up and it all somehow went away. 

Fast forward 16 years or so when I started college, slowly but surely my anxiety started to come back. At first my family and I thought it was caused by the stress I had as a very perfectionist, and hardworking college student. I wouldn't notice it much but I used to always take the stairs, avoid being in crowded places (even classrooms), would usually be alone so that I didn't have to be questioned about my ways of avoiding my fears. I never thought it was something serious, for all I knew it was just the way I was... I mean, who cares if I don't like the elevators or crowded places? I just never gave it much thought, I would just do everything automatically. 

It wasn't until I had to transfer to another (and bigger) university, when it all became very serious. I had to take the train as it was the easiest way to get from my house to university, but then...out of nowhere I started panicking when on the train. I was so confused because I had taken the train multiple times before, and for me it was so fun and an adventurous ride. Now all of a sudden I would get shivery, my heart would start beating very fast, my palms would get all sweaty, and what scared me the most, I would feel as if I was running out of oxygen to breathe. Needless to say, I had to get out whenever the train would stop (approximately 12 stops from my closest train station to my uni). Starting my mornings like this, as you can imagine, was horrible and would ruin the rest of my day. I remember telling my parents about it, but they didn't really understand how serious it was because they knew I had taken the train before without being scared, and since they had never actually seen me having one of these panicky things then, they thought it was something that was eventually going to go away. But it didn't. 

One night, I had just gotten out of one big test and walked to the train station knowing I would for sure panic. My mom didn't have her car and couldn't pick me up but I was unable to ride the train alone. I spend about an hour crying in the train station until my mom came (on the train) to ride it back home with me. This was the first time she ever saw me having a full on panic attack (that didn't stop until I was safe home). She realized how bad it was and thankfully from then on took me to uni everyday and picked me up as well. We knew I needed help, because obviously this was not a temporary fear that would go away if I just fought it hard enough.

I went to a psychiatrist that put me on a medication treatment for a year and recommended I should seek psychological help as well. I did both these things and even though it didn't get rid of my fears, or as the doctor diagnosed, agoraphobia/anxiety disorder, it did help. But then many things were going on in my life by that time and one of the most important things was that my boyfriend, who I had been dating for almost 5 years was moving out of the country. This was hands down one of the hardest thing ever for me but I knew I had to let him go. This changed me. I became very, very emotional. I would cry for whatever reason (even a commercial on t.v brought me to tears) and I was never like this before. A year later I got to travel by myself to go see him (this is when I realized I was getting better, because I knew I wouldn't have been able to do this before my treatment). I had the most AMAZING time! But when I came back and started my semester again, my anxiety got worst than ever.

I developed what the doctor called separation anxiety with my mom. I would always want to be with her and when I wasn't I would call her endless times (and if she didn't answer I would panic). Add that to my now-out-of-control anxiety, it was extremely hard on me, and still is. Now I am able to control it a bit more, as I've been attending my psychologist weekly and practicing relaxation methods I have learned along the way.

Now that I have told my story (leaving lots of bits untold as it would make this extremely long), I wanted to share why I decided to share this with whomever may be reading this. A couple of weeks ago, for my final music class project, I was asked to pick my favorite song and tell the class why it was my favorite (and possibly tell a deep story behind my reason for choosing it), I spent days thinking about it and picked multiple songs, until I decided on just the one. I picked "Cannonball" by Lea Michele. The day of the presentation came and I had no idea what to say as for why I chose it. I showed the music video (which btw, is BEAUTIFUL), and then the whole class stayed quite until the professor asked me to share my story behind it. I felt so nervous but then gathered up my courage to share what I shared in this blog post. I didn't give as much detail but the most important things I did say. This was so hard for me as it was the first time I had ever opened up about it to anyone other that my family, boyfriend and my best friend. But then to my surprise, when I finished, about 10 people raised hands to thank me for being "brave" and others even shared their own experiences with anxiety. It was unbelievable. We spent the rest of the time talking about it and encouraging each other (let me clarify, I knew non of them) but then all of a sudden we were coming together because of this terrible thing we call mental disorder. 

For the very first time I realized I wasn't alone, and that problems like these were a lot more common that I thought. It gave me strength to try to make something good out of it! I am not going to let my anxiety or anything else for that matter get the best of me. Instead I want to take my bad experience and difficulties I have or will come across because of my conditions, and turn it into something positive and motivational. I want to prove myself and others that difficult times do not define your whole life. 

So now, if anyone reads this, comment below and share your story, maybe we can create the same dynamic I was able to start in my music classroom and let me tell you, it feels SO GOOD! Let's turn negativity around and make it something good! Or as some may say "lets make lemonade out of our lemons!" 

I want to share many, many more things...not just about my anxiety but of life itself and hopefully spread a little happiness to who ever reads this. :)

If its raining look for rainbows, if its dark look for stars.

With love, 


♡ Be Happy Always ♡


  1. I love your post! I went through a series of panic/anxiety attacks in high school. Never had the problem before, It just came suddenly and I felt as if I lost control of myself and my mind. I was so afraid that I thought I was dying and death was all I could think about. Somehow though I managed to put it behind me. When the thoughts came back i just told myself No! I have control. I find that diversion helps. Thanks for sharing xoxoxo
    Check out my blogs in your free time :) It would mean much to me.

    1. Hey Krystal! ♥ Thank you so much for reading and sharing this with me. It is truly one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm still trying to find a way to get rid of it 100%. The mind is truly powerful but I believe that with me sharing and hearing stories like yours, I'll be able to finally put my panic attacks to rest once and for all. I will for sure check your blog out! xx.

  2. Hi, this is a very brave and very positive post about what many of us struggle with in life at some point. I have come to know my depression and how to deal with it but a few years back I met a new beast, anxiety and it wad the hardest battle I have had to fight. I felt I was going mad! Well done for getting through it. The more we talk about this the more accepted it will become and the more we can help. X

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this Julie! This was by far the hardest thing for me to write. I wanted to start a blog for fun but wanted to make it about something that truly mattered to me. Going through all of this is extremely hard as you know, but i completely agree with you in that it gets a little easier as we talk about it and feel that we are not the only ones. I haven't experienced depression myself, and really hope I never do, but I do get very, very emotional and its difficult to deal with as sometimes I start crying in public and become embarrassed. Anyway, reading things like this remind me how it's all okay and we are not alone. There's nothing wrong with us. Just as some people battle with physical diseases, we battle with anxiety and that is okay. I will be posting lots more on things like this and how to make life a bit less stressful and much happier! xx